Have you ever had a thought that just kept bubbling up inside of you? Almost an idea that you just can't stop thinking about? I have had that for almost a week now, and in light of recent events, I am going to try my hardest to put that thought in to words.
In the last 24 hours I have heard or read of so much loss and sadness. The horrific attacks in Paris. The sudden passing of a co-worker of mine (he left behind a wife, beautiful young children, and countless friends). A wife, mom, and grandma dealing with her third round of cancer that just won't relent on her. A brain tumor in a young client of mine with one baby and one on the way. A wife and mother killed in a home invasion. A sweet family losing their grandfather after his car broke down and he was accidentally hit by another vehicle. A young couple having to deliver a still born child. Even another family learning the news that their beloved dad and grandpa has an aggressive form of cancer. MY. HEART. HURTS. I can't even fathom the sadness, pain and tears that just these events have brought and will continue to bring for the days, weeks, and months to come. I am reminded again that life truly is short...we are never promised tomorrow.
Because of these reminders, I want to try to get my thoughts out as a challenge; maybe even just a challenge for me.
If I was giving a pep talk to myslef right now I would say "slow down...breathe in deeply...listen...watch...enjoy...be present". To put it in an even simpler way, I would tell myself to "linger". The definition of the word linger is, "to stay in place longer than necessary, typically because of a relluctance to leave" and "to remain alive; continue to persist although gradually dying". I love these definitions because they perfectly describe what my heart wants to scream right now. More than ever I find myself saying "I'll do that when...", "let me just finish...", or "give me just a few days then we can...". Believe me, I am so aware of resposibilites, duties, and priorities. I know that we all wear so many different "hats" in our day to day lives. We are spouses, students, parents, employees, volunteers, coaches, sons/daughters, brothers/sisters, cleaners, organizers, planners, and so much more. Our lives get busier and busier. Sometimes they are busy with wonderful and lovely things, but sometimes, even the lovely things fly past us before we even realize their beauty. I want to take time to linger in just a few moments every day. I can't promise that my resposibilities will ever decrease, or that my time will somehow multiply, but I can at least try to enjoy a few more moments in every day.
Last night our family put up our Christmas tree. I have to be honest...normally the family decorates the Christmas tree, and when everyone goes to bed...I go back and "fix" it so it looks well put together. This year, I stood back and looked at our tree and tears started to fill my eyes. The ornaments were not hung perfectly or spaced out correctly. The angel topper was crooked. The ribbon wrapped around the tree was not even. There were some empty spaces where ornaments could still go. But you know what? It. Was. Perfect. For the first time in years...I didn't change a thing. It was filled with memories of handmade gifts, and annual trips to pick out our special ornaments. It was full of life and sparkle, and for once...I took a step back to just linger in the moment of a beautiful memory being made. It wasn't a long moment...but it was a moment that I rarely take. And you know what? It caused a few more moments to happen. I hugged my little girl a few minutes longer when I tucked her in. I listened to Ty talk about his science project without reminding him that he needed to "go to bed soon". I even held my husbands hand as he fell asleep. Truly, all of those things probably took a total of 15 minutes "extra" in my day. I didn't have to rearrange my entire schedule and they didn't make me late for an appointment. They just took a thought to linger for a few minutes longer in each situation that I was in.
My Dad passed away in August very unexpectedly, and I would give pretty much anything to be able to get one more big bear hug from him. I still smell his shirt at least a few times a week just to remember his smell...even though I know it is etched in to my memory and heart...but I just want to make sure that I don't forget. I close my eyes and remember taking moments with him to just sit and talk...he was great at that. He probably hated the fact that his life wasn't as fast paced as it used to be...but he taught me to just "sit and be" sometimes. And, somehow...I have forgotten that. In the business and the "doing" of life...I forget to linger every now and then. I almost don't even realize how wonderful my life truly is. I get so caught up in the day to day that I forget how amazingly blessed I am. I want to re-train myself to take even just a few moments everyday to just breathe in life and linger in the beauty of it.
It is my hope that at least a few times a week I will...
- Snuggle my babes for just a few extra minutes
- Take time to look at a sunset and breathe in the beaty of it
- Hold my husbands hand as we fall asleep
- Call a friend just to tell them that I love them
- Sit in front of my Christmas tree and just feel the glow from the lights
- Look into my husbands and eyes and tell him that I love him...for no particular reason...just because I do
- Look up at the stars and just be so impressed at how they twinkle
- Read something intriguing or encouraging
- Breathe in a few deep breaths of pure thankfulness for the life I have been given
- Take a few minutes every day to just linger in any situation I am in
None of these will take longer than a few minutes, but I feel like if I can add all of them up in a week...I will look back and realize that I took some special moments and I made them in to memories. The beauty of memories...is that you can always take them with you. They become a part of you...you can't lose them.
We aren't promised tomorrow, but we have today. I am excited that I still have the opportunity to linger and I want to make the most of those few moments every day.
Saturday, November 14, 2015
Monday, May 18, 2015
14 years
I could apologize that I haven't blogged in...oh...4ish years...but thats no fun. So instead...I am just going to start blogging like I have never left off....here we go...
14 years ago today, I was packing up what little I had from an apartment that I shared with a few girlfriends, to move into an even tinier apartment that I was going to share with my future husband in only 8 days. I was trying to get a beautiful white dress tailored properly for the 3rd time...I was trying to pack up everything I owned in to a 1982 Bright blue Geo Prism...and I was trying to not freak about about the fact that in a little over a week I was going to be MARRIED!! Looking back on that week...I wonder what I would have told that crazy, 20 year old, naive girl...if I had the chance to time travel back to her. I think I would just hug her and tell her through tear filled eyes that she was about to have the best adventure! I would tell her that even though she loved her soon-to-be-husband now...she really had no idea what love was...but she would learn...and she would somehow love him more every year. I would tell her that she was going to have two of the most wonderful children ever...and that somehow having those babes would make her love her husband even more than she thought possible. I would tell her that she would have many nights that she feared she wasn't "doing the parent thing" or "the wife thing" right. I would tell her that some nights she was going to fall asleep so frustrated...but other nights...most nights...she would fall asleep with the biggest smile on her face. I would tell her to breathe more and think less....to enjoy spontaneous moments...and to let her husband grab her butt in public soooooo much earlier than year 13 (because he would only grab it for a second...when no one was watching...but it would always mean the world to him that you let him do it). I would tell her to not have an attitude so quickly...especially during her first few years of marraige. I would tell her to stop being so stubborn all the time...to listen more and talk less...to take more moments to love deeply and just smile sweetly. I would tell her that some moments...some months...even some years were going to be hard...like really hard. But I would tell her that they would make it through them just fine. I would tell her that she doesn't always have to be perfect...and I would tell her that a few amazing girlfriends in her life would walk through hard times with her...and that they didn't expect her to be perfect either. As a matter of fact...somehow they loved her even more in her inperfections. I would tell her that her husband would love her imperfections too...even the ones that she is going to try to hide...he will somehow love those the most...because those imperfections will remind him that she really does need him...even when she tries to act all independant. I would tell her that 14 years later...to the date...she will be sitting in a car after a super successful business meeting (I would propbably also have to tell her that she would be a business woman someday)...headed home to her husband and sweet babes...and the last 14 years will just hit her. Like a huge wave of emotion...and she will smile...and cry...and laugh...and she will have memories flash through her minds eye...and each one will bring more of a smile to her tear stained face as she remembers the beauty in the last 14 years. I would tell her that in that moment she will be overwhelmed that not only had they made it 14 years...but now they were even better than they ever had been...and they were only going to get better.
And, I would think to tell her all of these things...but I would stop myself. Because I would know that she will need all of the lessons she will learn through those 14 years...and she will be such a better person, wife, mom, friend, and daughter because of them. Instead...I would just hug her...and tell her that she is making the best decision she will ever make. I would look in to that 20 year olds face and tell her how excited I am for her, and I would tell her that I couldn't wait to talk to her in 14 years...so we could hug again...and realize...how thankful we are for the life and love we have been given.
14 years ago today, I was packing up what little I had from an apartment that I shared with a few girlfriends, to move into an even tinier apartment that I was going to share with my future husband in only 8 days. I was trying to get a beautiful white dress tailored properly for the 3rd time...I was trying to pack up everything I owned in to a 1982 Bright blue Geo Prism...and I was trying to not freak about about the fact that in a little over a week I was going to be MARRIED!! Looking back on that week...I wonder what I would have told that crazy, 20 year old, naive girl...if I had the chance to time travel back to her. I think I would just hug her and tell her through tear filled eyes that she was about to have the best adventure! I would tell her that even though she loved her soon-to-be-husband now...she really had no idea what love was...but she would learn...and she would somehow love him more every year. I would tell her that she was going to have two of the most wonderful children ever...and that somehow having those babes would make her love her husband even more than she thought possible. I would tell her that she would have many nights that she feared she wasn't "doing the parent thing" or "the wife thing" right. I would tell her that some nights she was going to fall asleep so frustrated...but other nights...most nights...she would fall asleep with the biggest smile on her face. I would tell her to breathe more and think less....to enjoy spontaneous moments...and to let her husband grab her butt in public soooooo much earlier than year 13 (because he would only grab it for a second...when no one was watching...but it would always mean the world to him that you let him do it). I would tell her to not have an attitude so quickly...especially during her first few years of marraige. I would tell her to stop being so stubborn all the time...to listen more and talk less...to take more moments to love deeply and just smile sweetly. I would tell her that some moments...some months...even some years were going to be hard...like really hard. But I would tell her that they would make it through them just fine. I would tell her that she doesn't always have to be perfect...and I would tell her that a few amazing girlfriends in her life would walk through hard times with her...and that they didn't expect her to be perfect either. As a matter of fact...somehow they loved her even more in her inperfections. I would tell her that her husband would love her imperfections too...even the ones that she is going to try to hide...he will somehow love those the most...because those imperfections will remind him that she really does need him...even when she tries to act all independant. I would tell her that 14 years later...to the date...she will be sitting in a car after a super successful business meeting (I would propbably also have to tell her that she would be a business woman someday)...headed home to her husband and sweet babes...and the last 14 years will just hit her. Like a huge wave of emotion...and she will smile...and cry...and laugh...and she will have memories flash through her minds eye...and each one will bring more of a smile to her tear stained face as she remembers the beauty in the last 14 years. I would tell her that in that moment she will be overwhelmed that not only had they made it 14 years...but now they were even better than they ever had been...and they were only going to get better.
And, I would think to tell her all of these things...but I would stop myself. Because I would know that she will need all of the lessons she will learn through those 14 years...and she will be such a better person, wife, mom, friend, and daughter because of them. Instead...I would just hug her...and tell her that she is making the best decision she will ever make. I would look in to that 20 year olds face and tell her how excited I am for her, and I would tell her that I couldn't wait to talk to her in 14 years...so we could hug again...and realize...how thankful we are for the life and love we have been given.
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