Thursday, October 14, 2010

Dolphins, new seasons, and tears

My baby girl just had her 6th Birthday!! It was wonderful and full of girly tea parties, big hats, fake sparkly jewelry, fun presents, and princess cupcakes. Nana Carol (my mom) lives in NY and could not be here for her Birthday...but she wanted to make sure to do something special for sweet Maddie. So...after a lot of phone conversations...Maddie told Nana Carol that she knew what she wanted for her present. Maddie wanted a "room makeover". Well Nana Carol just HAD to get that for her so she sent a very wonderful credit card/gift card and told her sweet Maddie that she could get whatever she wanted. So, off to the stores we went. After a long day of shopping Maddie decided on a polka dot bedspread for her "theme". The bedspread is white with bright colorful polka dots. There is pink, plum purple, Tiffany blue, lime green, orange, and teal blue. She also got sheets and a bed skirt to match along with a HUGE purple pillow that she is in love with. She then decided that she wanted her walls two different colors. 2 walls plum purple and 2 walls Tiffany blue. to the store I went...with her pillowcase stuffed in my purse. I went to the paint counter and they matched 2 different gallons to the colors on her pillowcase. I was so excited! I got home and instantly started to move her furniture and lay down old sheets so that I could begin to paint. My ipod was plugged in...the tunes were ready...the paint was opened and poured into the tray...and my roller was in my hand. Then...IT happened. I saw these
Now these dolphins may not seem like a big deal to you...but they flooded me with 8 years of memories. You see...I painted them when I was pregnant with Ty. His nursery was "under the sea" themed. I remembered painting the walls...and having aqua blue paint on my belly because it was sticking so far out. I remembered looking at his empty crib with the newly bought ocean waves bumpers tied on to the sides. I remembered painting dolphins and sea turtles on his wall. I remembered bringing him home for the first time and showing his his room. I remembered rocking him in the blue glider that used to sit in the corner. I remembered his chubby little face peeking out over the crib every time I would get him after he woke up from his nap. I remembered his first night in his "big boy bed" because the crib needed to be ready for his baby sister. I remembered rearranging his room so that two sweet babes could share it soon. I remembered bringing home Maddie from the hospital. Ty brought her his dolphin stuffed animal so she could have it in her crib with her. I remembered tucking them both in at night in their room. I remembered both of them jumping up and down in her crib and squealing with laughter as Dustin and I smiled from ear to ear as we watched them. I remembered making the basement into our bedroom so that they could each have their own rooms. I remembered Ty "moving out"into our old bedroom and Maddie staying in "the nursery". I remembered her Dora "big girl bed" and matching Dora kitchen and table set. I remembered getting rid of her Dora things and bringing in a new twin-sized bed. I remembered all of the memories in that room...all of the "firsts"...all of the night time stories and prayers...all of the "I love you's"...all of the games we had played on that very floor that I was now sitting on...and I cried.
In that moment my babes grew up in my mind. Now...they have been "growing up" for years...but somehow...right then...they really grew up. My sweet baby no longer wanted her dolphins on the wall. She was ready for brightly colored polka dots. I sat there almost unable bring myself to paint over those silly dolphins. They had been with me for so long. They had been there for the middle-of-the-night feedings and dress up times. They were there while we made crafts and tents to sleep under. They were there from the very beginning of my sweet babes. So...I sat there...roller in hand...and I just stared at those dolphins. And the longer I stared...the harder I cried.
After little while I began to think about how every new "season" in my sweet babes life has always been a little bittersweet. I hate saying goodbye to what we had...only to realize that I love what we are going to begin. I can honestly say that I have loved every new "season" with my babes more than the one before it...even though I think it is impossible to do so.
As I sat there...with a tear-stained face...I looked up at those dolphins and realized that the best is still to come. I love the memories that I have...and I cherish them. But I also know that many more memories need to be made...and I cannot wait to make them. So...I stood up...and started to paint. As I painted over those dolphins I realized that they would still be there...they would just be under a new layer of pretty purple paint. They won't ever be forgotten...much like my memories. And at least this time...I didn't get any purple paint on my belly from it sticking out too far.


  1. it happens too fast!! aaargh! i hate it! i do want to see some pictures of this big-girl room though!

  2. I remember when you painted the dolphins, and I think Jenn may have helped. Wow. Truly is hard to believe how fast time has gone by. Give them kiddos a hug from 'Uncle Mo'. ;)

  3. you're echoing the cry of my heart! there aren't any dolphins on the walls here--but i put away the pack n play today. my baby is big enough to never need it. bittersweet is the word of the day!

  4. So...I may or may not be crying. Ha! Just saw Amber's comment. I don't even have kids and I'm crying. I love you, Jess. SO much. I love the Mom you are. I hope and pray that I can be like you when I'm a Mom someday. You are such an amazing example to the women in your life.

  5. Okay, maybe reading this at work wasn't such a great idea. =) I remember you buying the house and deciding that room would be the nursery. Watching ALL the changes you and Dustin made as the kids came and grew.

    You are a great mom! Love you, Jess. Tell Maddie her uncle Robert misses her!